Go, Live and Become

downloadA Sudden Wave of Homesickness

So here I am again. Sitting in my son’s dark room trying to get him to go back to sleep. I am forced to leave everything I was doing behind and enter some quiet time. Success at last?

He’s managed to fall back asleep, but every time I try to get up he starts crying.

So I just sit here.

I listen to Dutch worship music and start to feel nostalgic. It will soon be eight years since I left my beloved country the Netherlands. I never knew though that my leaving would be so final. I never really got a chance to say a proper goodbye. I wish I had known. It feels as a loss, as if something has been taken away from me.

But maybe it was for the better, because I am not sure if I would have been able to set foot on the ship taking me to the North of England if I had known I would never again move back home.

I read somewhere that in missing a place, in feelings of homesickness, in a way you are the closest to that place you will ever be. To put it simply: I never knew what my home meant to me until I left it. I never appreciated everything I had until I moved away from it.

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I sometimes wish I had enjoyed all those simple and little things I took for granted a bit more. Riding my bike to town, sitting in a full church singing hymns and psalms while it is dark outside, going to the outdoor swimming pool, drinking a cup of coffee and eating cake with my family, the train journeys, my favourite shops, the food, knowing everyone that lived in our street, all the precious friendships I built over the years,…

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Don’t get me wrong, I feel enormously blessed with where God has put me, with the life I live, the experiences I have been through, the family I have been given… My time in England has changed me as a person and every day I am grateful for how my life has been enriched and broadened and my view of the world has become so much fuller and complete.

I also thank God for this feeling of homesickness that pops up every now and then. It keeps me sharp and forces me to always go back to God. In Him I find my real home. He is the one that always provides and because I once left my home I can no longer take things for granted. He gave me a home once, and then He gave me a home again and I trust there will always be a home for me, wherever I go…

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4 thoughts on “Go, Live and Become

  1. Annelies says:

    Lieve zus,
    Ik heb bewondering voor jou! Ik zou het je nooit na kunnen doen. En als het je weer even aanvliegt, denk dan aan het schilderij dat ik voor jullie bruiloft maakte; we leven in dezelfde wereld en ‘He’s got the whole world in his hand’!
    Liefs!

    Like

  2. Gretel says:

    I can so relate to this, Mirjam…and I totally believe in the richness that living in different places and loving across different cultures gives to life. Yes, nowhere will ever feel totally like home, but being able to live and love in different places is one of the most amazing gifts. You write so beautifully and I feel so grateful that your stepping out of your comfort zone brought you into our lives. Keep on writing lovely friend – that the inner workings of your heart will encourage and uplift many xxxxx

    Like

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